Stink Out Your Friends!

Even the most genius of jokes is doomed to not hold up

Interrobang?! has posted a very short story of mine called "Windowless Room, Silverless Fish". It's told from the point of view of a comedian whose vampiric existence is causing him to get a little existential. 

Wedding Review.8

Why, I feel it’s time to ask, do we drink so much? Are we caterers such drunks because our work is more stressful than most, and thus we need more numbing? No. Martyrs aren’t the type to wear all black. Maybe it’s just because there’s so much alcohol around. Get it while we can, we think, or maybe we don’t think—we just unthinkingly reflect the behavior of our guests.

Or is everyone—weddings be damned—always this drunk?

This was a wedding that neglected to provide its guests with champagne. There was moscato, yes, there was moscato. But moscato is something that’s too sweet to consume like air. Thus I waited a few hours—of sobriety, mind you—I waited a few long, long hours before risking that telltale hematic wine lip: before going on in for the red.

The bartender was yelling. A man had grabbed her, and at the same time was threatening the structural soundness of the bar. Baby, just believe me, he told her. I can hold my liquor. She was torn, she said, between running away and standing there to prevent the bar from falling over. The bar—this was a wedding, after all—was not a bar, but rather a linen-draped folding table. Give and take, you might advise this bartender, trapped as she was between the two. But by now, something like this for her was second nature.

And weddings, perhaps, should now stand and examine their dusty old clusters of give and take. We all know who’s doing the taking, don’t we? The theatricality makes it obvious (The couple? The couple’s mothers? Just bear with me). And the giving, of course, is given unwillingly. The father had a tear in his eye as he gave the bride away.

The moscato, unlike champagne, seemed too celebratory to become habit. I went home with yet one more bottle of red.

I put on the best clothes I own and passed hors d'oeuvres

I just finished this broadside, which is a heavily fictionalized account of catering a children's birthday party. I wrote the piece last year, and, in a way, it prefigures the wedding reviews I've been writing for this blog: it's told from the point of view of an acerbic caterer and highlights the more sinister aspects of ritual. It does, however, run a little more freely into the realm of the absurd. I'm not sure how I feel about the visual results—I tend toward a cleaner aesthetic. The content of this piece, though, is so chaotic and debauched, I figured it was a good excuse to lay it on thick. To see more broadsides, visit my website.

Vertical Diptych.5 (Rent Free Lombard Street)

Rant.5

Daylight savings. Such a slight adjustment, yet something, if you're sober enough, that reverberates, that scolds. The state finds it useful, amusing even, to remind you twice a year: they are the ones who decide who you must be and where you must be and when.

Nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything

Here I am with my pals Bart and Tintin yesterday, as they graciously hosted me as Cartoonist in Residence at the Cartoon Art Museum in San Francisco.

Interpretive Propaganda

This poster is an idea (using a phrase taken from a Mekons song) conceived by artist Gabby Miller as a tribute to today's general strike in Oakland. "I was amazed by how quickly something unimaginable become a possibility," says Gabby, "and how rapidly the idea spread. For me, the Occupy movement is very much about going beyond the imagination." The layout was adapted from a silkscreened companion poster that teacher Miriam Klein-Stahl developed with her students. Chinzalee Sonami and Andy Turner bravely assisted us last night as we printed over 400 copies! We hope to someday invite artists to collaborate by filling in the poster's blank space. You can put money toward this project here. Gabby will be at 14th and Broadway today in downtown Oakland, handing out free copies!

Cartoonist in Residence!

I'm the November Cartoonist in Residence at San Francisco's Cartoon Art Museum! Which means I'll be there this Saturday, Nov. 5, holding court at a drawing table from 1-3 pm. I'll have some comics and zines for sale, and will display the just-finished originals from an illustrated essay memorializing the legendary drugstore, Super Longs. I also hope to get going on some doodles for an interview I did with fiction writer, Jincy Willett. The Cartoon Art Museum is located at 655 Mission Street, between New Montgomery and Third.